Shit Happens
The first time I heard that phrase, it resonated with me. Some folks believe that everything happens for a reason. But to make that work, you have to connect a lot of dots. Someone else may connect the same dots differently or you may not clearly see a dot or two. Just a lot of over thinking to me. But to accept that both good things and bad things simply happen rings true in my mind. Sure, some things happen because of effort or lack of effort on someone's part. But some things just simply happen!
Some shitty things happened this past week or so. Although my visit with my oncologist went well and I was able to receive a reduces dosage of both of the infusion drugs, Dr. Chiu told me I would not stop chemo until my body could no longer tolerate it. Even at the reduced dosages. He also said I needed to plan visits with family and friends sooner rather than later. Big bummer.
Our car battery died so we had to buy a new one. Not a lot of extra money lying around so that was an unpleasant surprise. A friend was going to visit me while she was in town but also had car issues and ran out of time. Hopefully we will get another opportunity.
You know how some meds warn you not to operate machinery? About 6 or so of mine do. But, rebel that I am, I went ahead and operated my sewing machines so that I could make a nice cozy flannel robe for the coming cooler days. I stitched right through my left pointer finger. Entry and exit wounds. I slapped a band aid on it and went right back to operating those machines!
And my old friend, fatigue. I sleep about 10 hours a night with "reverse naps" from 1 to 6 times a night. I am in the middle of a reverse nap as I type! Then I nap a couple of times during the day. I try hard to get things done in little spurts of energy: fold and put away laundry, run the sweeper, empty and reload the dishwasher, etc. But, at the end of the day, very little shit happens in that regard.
On that note. I am no longer employed. I refuse to let my boss pay me for my inability to provide any use at all for her. She is kind and generous, but I know better than most that she cannot afford to carry a ineffectual employee. So I have been making call after call to see what assistance I can get. So far: nothing. Denied, denied, denied. We simply make too much money with our Social Security and Hubby's income. A whopping $2400 per month. Even if he quit his job to stay home and take care of me, we wouldn't qualify. And he can't qualify as a paid caregiver for me, family members can, just not spouses. I do get a list of more places to call with each "I'm sorry" so perhaps I will find some help somewhere.
One of my "baby sitters" fell hard onto the tile floor in my kitchen and dislocated her shoulder. This is one of the most wonderful women I know. My heart broke to see her lying there in pain while we waited for the paramedics to get her ready to go to the ER. She already has some mobility issues so I worry what the loss of use of her left arm will do to make that even worse. She told me at the beginning of this journey that I would do better than most because of my sense of humor. Well, she raised her head once and glanced down each side of her body and said: "Dear God, I look like a crime scene silhouette!"
Tonight I made a lovely Blue Apron dinner. It looked delectable, it smelled wonderful, the first few bites were delicious. And then my esophagus got an attitude and said "forget it!" I have issues with the texture of foods. It is like trying to sneak past a napping dragon. I'm like: "my precious" and my esophagus is like Smaug. So that was the end of dinner. Later I had a jello cup. Woo freaking hoo. We made the decision to stop Blue Apron and just keep the house stocked with the simple foods I can eat. Boring...................
So there you have my week of not so good shit happening. Nothing really terrible (except my friend's fall) but enough to wipe the smile off of my face more than I like.
The first time I heard that phrase, it resonated with me. Some folks believe that everything happens for a reason. But to make that work, you have to connect a lot of dots. Someone else may connect the same dots differently or you may not clearly see a dot or two. Just a lot of over thinking to me. But to accept that both good things and bad things simply happen rings true in my mind. Sure, some things happen because of effort or lack of effort on someone's part. But some things just simply happen!
Some shitty things happened this past week or so. Although my visit with my oncologist went well and I was able to receive a reduces dosage of both of the infusion drugs, Dr. Chiu told me I would not stop chemo until my body could no longer tolerate it. Even at the reduced dosages. He also said I needed to plan visits with family and friends sooner rather than later. Big bummer.
Our car battery died so we had to buy a new one. Not a lot of extra money lying around so that was an unpleasant surprise. A friend was going to visit me while she was in town but also had car issues and ran out of time. Hopefully we will get another opportunity.
You know how some meds warn you not to operate machinery? About 6 or so of mine do. But, rebel that I am, I went ahead and operated my sewing machines so that I could make a nice cozy flannel robe for the coming cooler days. I stitched right through my left pointer finger. Entry and exit wounds. I slapped a band aid on it and went right back to operating those machines!
And my old friend, fatigue. I sleep about 10 hours a night with "reverse naps" from 1 to 6 times a night. I am in the middle of a reverse nap as I type! Then I nap a couple of times during the day. I try hard to get things done in little spurts of energy: fold and put away laundry, run the sweeper, empty and reload the dishwasher, etc. But, at the end of the day, very little shit happens in that regard.
On that note. I am no longer employed. I refuse to let my boss pay me for my inability to provide any use at all for her. She is kind and generous, but I know better than most that she cannot afford to carry a ineffectual employee. So I have been making call after call to see what assistance I can get. So far: nothing. Denied, denied, denied. We simply make too much money with our Social Security and Hubby's income. A whopping $2400 per month. Even if he quit his job to stay home and take care of me, we wouldn't qualify. And he can't qualify as a paid caregiver for me, family members can, just not spouses. I do get a list of more places to call with each "I'm sorry" so perhaps I will find some help somewhere.
One of my "baby sitters" fell hard onto the tile floor in my kitchen and dislocated her shoulder. This is one of the most wonderful women I know. My heart broke to see her lying there in pain while we waited for the paramedics to get her ready to go to the ER. She already has some mobility issues so I worry what the loss of use of her left arm will do to make that even worse. She told me at the beginning of this journey that I would do better than most because of my sense of humor. Well, she raised her head once and glanced down each side of her body and said: "Dear God, I look like a crime scene silhouette!"
Tonight I made a lovely Blue Apron dinner. It looked delectable, it smelled wonderful, the first few bites were delicious. And then my esophagus got an attitude and said "forget it!" I have issues with the texture of foods. It is like trying to sneak past a napping dragon. I'm like: "my precious" and my esophagus is like Smaug. So that was the end of dinner. Later I had a jello cup. Woo freaking hoo. We made the decision to stop Blue Apron and just keep the house stocked with the simple foods I can eat. Boring...................
So there you have my week of not so good shit happening. Nothing really terrible (except my friend's fall) but enough to wipe the smile off of my face more than I like.
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